Inspiration, Words To Help

The Grace Experiment

grace changes everything2

I’m thinking that we all could show ourselves some grace this time of year. I originally wrote this article for the August/September issue of Women2Women Michigan Magazine (I’m the editor and write a column). I believe it is quite timely for now, during a time when we are so stressed, and demanding of ourselves. Read it, take heart, breathe deeply, and try the “grace experiment”.

The Grace Experiment

She was done. She just couldn’t do it anymore. And the worst thing? She felt like a failure. Nagging self-criticism kept bombarding her brain: she’d not done enough, she should work harder, and she was so unworthy. She had tried. Oh how hard she had tried! But she had come to the end of herself. She could barely breathe, much less keep pushing herself to “get it all done” just to make everyone happy. She collapsed on the bed, tears dripping down her cheeks, and wondered how she’d gotten to this place. Utterly exhausted, hardly able to move, her brain overloaded with the many requirements and expectations from others, she wondered if she’d ever be happy again.

Do you recognize this woman? Have you seen her in your mirror?

Everyone gets exhausted and comes to the “end of their rope” at times during their lives. Unfortunately, with women it is often the result of our “super woman” mentality which believes we can be all things to everyone, do all things to please people, be the caregivers of the world, and completely dismiss our own needs. It’s a mindset that has been driven into us by our culture, our families, and by societal expectations. Often it is the result of believing there is no other way and our own driving need to prove ourselves.

Well Darlin’, if this is you, it’s time to bestow upon yourself goodwill, favor, and mercy, (grace) just as you would a best friend who was criticizing themselves for falling short. You would give her encouragement and tell her how accomplished she is. It’s time to do the same for yourself.

grace

 

 “If beating yourself up worked, you’d already be rich, skinny, and happy. Why not try loving yourself for a month and see what happens?”

My friend Stephanie Dalfonzo wrote these words on her Facebook page this week. I asked if I could use them because they fit so well with what I was writing.

Do you realize how powerful this suggestion is? Could you do it? It takes twenty-one days to change a habit, so how about instead of self-criticism you rejoiced in your accomplishments for thirty days? Do you understand how that could change your brain and your outlook on life?

Instead of thinking, “I’m a bad mom because my meals are not really healthy enough for my kids”, think, “I buy groceries (an accomplishment that deserves a medal in my book!) and provide food for family.” (SCORE!)

I am such a bad parent, missing my kids’ games (recitals, plays). However, I am working to provide a life for them, and there are others who love and encourage them.

Instead of, “Will my children be okay without me tonight? I feel so guilty!” Think, “I really need this time to laugh with friends so that I can be more content at home. They are just fine without me, and we all need a break from each other.” And you know, they really are just fine with someone else for a while.

And during those times when you just can’t seem to keep your head above water and the doubt and lies and guilt are attacking you? Start listing all the things you HAVE accomplished that day.  Perhaps you worked all day (which brings its own set of frustrations), did four loads of laundry,  bought groceries, read with a child, cleaned the toilet (does anyone else clean just one item a day like I often do?) spent 5 minutes outside, folded the laundry (ugh, 3 days later), put the devices aside and cuddled, cooked dinner (or collected drive-through), made the bed (ha!), talked to your mom, encouraged a friend, got out of bed this morning, or got into bed at a decent hour (you do know we desperately need 7-8 hours of sleep don’t you?). There are so many things that we do each day and we need to celebrate them. Others expect and take for granted. But you, my dear, need to begin seeing what a powerhouse you truly are!

Need to start saving? Celebrate the five dollars you were able to tuck away this week or how you resisted buying that really unnecessary item (maybe at Hobby Lobby or Target? Stay away from those places!).

Want to lose weight? Celebrate that you didn’t eat the whole bag of chips even though you really, really wanted to. Perhaps you signed up with a therapist to help you understand the underlying reasons behind overeating, or that you have partnered with a friend to support each other. Or that you did not buy the three-pack of chocolate chip cookies at McDonald’s (do they stare you in the face too?).

Need to lose weight and save money? Celebrate that you have weaned yourself from that sugary Starbuck’s on the way to work or that you brought your lunch to work and walked for ten minutes.

Did you take the stairs today instead of the elevator? Did you call a friend to encourage her? Did you turn up the music and dance with your kids? Did you clean the house—or even one room? Girl! You need to celebrate!!

This list can go on and on. If you have trouble remembering your accomplishments by the end of the day, jot notes to yourself. Perhaps carry a little journal with you. Many people carry “gratitude” journals, and being conscious of all they have to be grateful for has changed their outlook on life. I believe the act of recognizing all you accomplish during your day will change your life drastically. You will begin to see that you are not lacking in any way.

And take a bit of time for you each day: read, sit outside, meditate, take a bubble bath, or do yoga, and breathe. You are completely worth it—and until you believe that of yourself, it will be hard for others to believe it either.

self care is love 2

 

I realize I am focusing more on doing rather than being, which is not my usual approach.  But I feel it’s important for women to learn to give themselves grace rather than beat themselves up for not doing all they think they should (which usually turns into feelings of not being enough—something I struggled with most of my life). I really do hope you will try the “Grace Experiment”. And please let me know how it changes your life! Email me at mimi@w2wmichigan.com. I can’t wait to hear from you!

 

Much love and really big sparkle hugs,

heartPassionista Mimi

Advertisements
Words To Help

I’m a Warrior, Not A Worrier!

I am a warrior 3

Today my friend’s situation reminded me of the need for this card. There are a bunch of things pressing in on me and my brain is in a tizzy (southern expression for going crazy). 

 

*I’m trying to get a seat belt installed before heading south. I had to cut it because my son became entangled in it, it retracted, and there was no other way to get him out. My auto tech guy had torn my van apart in order to access where it has to be installed, only to find out that I received the wrong seat belt from the dealer where I’d ordered it.

I’m crunched for time here. The seat belt cost $100 and now I have to drive 20 minutes to return it. And order another one, which would come in next Tuesday or Wednesday! Or try to find one. Have I mentioned I’m crunched for time?

 

*I may need new tires too because mine aren’t grabbing all that well in the snow. AND it’s supposed to snow/sleet on the day we are scheduled to leave. Ugh!

 

*I am working tonight, and while that is generally a fun time, I have been running for months and just want to be home. Tomorrow is another day of running. I’m getting kind of pooped. And honestly, doing this alone is sometimes overwhelming. 

 

*I have a ton of wrapping to do before I leave. Because I haven’t even been home, this has mounted up. Not to mention the laundry, packing for a week, dishes, trying to keep growing teens fed….. I just want to stay home one full day!

 

The list is adding up, besides all the Christmas-y “to dos” that are the usual. Programs, gifts, decorating, and such. 

 

SO I am practicing what I write about. I am taking a deep breath. I am trusting that things will all be finished, and I am believing that my Father has it all under control. 

 

I do NOT want worry to steal from this most miraculous season. Last night I was crabby with my kids. That’s not how I want to spend the next week! I want to celebrate this season by relishing in each precious moment with my children and my family. These times pass so very quickly, and honestly, people are what it’s all about. 

 

I’m also looking for alternative solutions:

I can wrap my presents when I get to my family’s house.

I can stay off of Facebook so I have more time.

I can choose the most important things to do first, instead of doing 6 things at once like I usually do.

And the money? Well I know that will work out. And I am working tonight so that will help. 

 

I know from experience that these things do actually smooth out. So right now?

I am choosing to revive my inner warrior and banish the worrier!

What about you?

merry-christmas-blog-card

 

I am wishing you a very blessed and calm Christmas season. It is fast approaching, and I hope you can enjoy it to the fullest. That is MY plan.

 

Love and blessings and big sparkle hugs!

Mimi

Words To Help

We Can’t Give More Than What We Are

we can't give more than what we are

Without giving ourselves compassion,

 we can’t be compassionate.

When we judge ourselves harshly,

we can’t be accepting.

If we feel that our lives lack,

we can’t give generously.

When we feel that we are not enough,

we can’t lift up and applaud others.

When we take ourselves too seriously,

we can’t enjoy life.

If we don’t love ourselves unconditionally,

we can’t truly love others without conditions.

If we aren’t honest with ourselves,

we can’t grow and change.

These are truths I’ve gleaned over the years

of re-inventing myself.

Of becoming the person I was truly created to be.

I believe JOY

Your life is amazing. If you are breathing, you have something to be grateful for. And gratefulness will create joy. It will bring abundance (I’m not talking monetary value, but the value of life, friends, and passions that fill your soul.)

And just in case you were wondering…..there is enough for all of us.

Enough love

passion

friends

work

joy

adventure

creativity

We have a tendency to view the world from our little worm hole

and think that we are never, ever going to be enough, have enough, or live enough.

I used to be like that.

Then I realized that there are billions of people. Millions of opportunities.

We live in a great big world.

And though you may not especially like your life right now, it can change.

Change is always possible.

Of course, it means conquering the limiting emotion of fear.

It means you have to stop lying to yourself. 

To change means becoming vulnerable.

YIKES!! No way! I can’t do it! I’m so afraid! It will hurt too much.

And what will happen to me?

Change will happen. Better will happen. Abundance will happen.

So will love, joy, adventure, assurance, confidence, and fulfillment.

I’m rooting for you, cheering you on as you make wise, healthy choices toward becoming more so you can give more.

For it’s in giving that we grow toward abundance.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you have a wonderful week.

Love and hugs, Passionista

Words To Help

YOU are Amazing!! And don’t you forget it!

You are amazing with a side of sprinkles
You can buy this card HERE!

You ARE amazing!! I finally began to believe that about myself after a few days of saying it out loud in front of the mirror. The year was 2008. For most of my life I’d felt “less-than” so it took a bit of making a firm choice and perseverance to follow this program.

 

I’d sit in front of my empty journal page, pull those truths from my spirit, and begin writing them down in bulleted format. I’d walk around my house, saying, “I’m intelligent. I’m capable. I can do this. I’m creative. I’m a great problem-solver.”

 

Granted, I was almost afraid that I’d be struck by lightning because I’d been raised not to “toot my own horn” or brag about myself. However, I am here to STOMP that lie in the ground! Stating your awesomeness and joy in your uniqueness and abilities, your gifts and wonderful heart, is NOT bragging. It’s just proclaiming truth.

Oh my goodness I'm incredible!
You can buy this card HERE!

We need to both hear and say those truths to ourselves because the world would have us believing that we are stupid, useless, and incapable (to just name a few). Well, dear Passionista, THAT is a bunch of hog wash! Lies, every bit of it!

 

If you have trouble finding the truth about yourself, there are many, many resources even on Facebook that will help you. (I am one of those). But honestly, your spirit KNOWS. Give yourself time to reflect. Probably just choose the opposite of what you most likely believe about yourself, if it is degrading or detrimental to your emotional and psychological health and growth.

 

 To be the very best YOU possible, you need to invest in yourself. Take the time. Even on the way to work if it’s your only alone time. (Ummm, reminding yourself that you are amazing after you swear at that driver might not be the best way, but hey, if it works for you go for it!) Or while you are in the shower—IF you happen to enjoy that by yourself–but getting upset with your body while you are stating your incredible amazing -ness  is quite counteractive.  Our bodies do NOT determine our awesomeness!

 beauty is not in the face

 I just want to encourage you to feed your own soul. As women we take care of everyone else, which can sure lead to resentment and exhaustion. Doing this is a small, but huge and important, way to nourish yourself.

 

 So what do you say? Let me know some of your “truths” in the comment below. I’d love to hear from you! ❤

Love and hugs, Passionista

 

PS Hey, I have created some visuals (cards and small posters and a calendar) for you to place where you will see them to help remind you to state your truths daily. If interested, go to https://www.etsy.com/shop/EmPOWordmentCards or contact me directly. They help, they really do, and I created them with YOU in mind. Luv ya.

PPS Here are a few places I receive empowerment and encouragement.

Wild Sister Magazine     https://www.facebook.com/wildsistermag

When you join, please use my link! Thanks. http://wildsister.com/sisterhood?ap_id=mimimatthews

MEF’s Empowering Women and More     https://www.facebook.com/reinna911

Women on Fire   https://www.facebook.com/BeAWomanOnFire

Inspiration, Words To Help

Wounding Brings Light

The wound is the place where the light enters you. Rumi

I have precious friends who have gone through some really hard, hard stuff this past year. Some of it will take a while to heal from. And while people say that kind of thing will make us stronger, it still hurts like all get out.

 

I found this quote by Rumi that made me consider the wounds we receive. When reflecting on the wounding in my own life, I realize that because of the circumstances that created the wounds, and because of my own healing through them, I am able to give to hope to others. I am able to give some ideas of ways to endure through to healing. I am able to not only let the light of truth into my spirit through those wounds, but to let the light back out to others. And for that, I am grateful.

 

My own wounds have indeed given me a richer life toward helping others, as preposterous as that sounds. This may seem a strange post for the first day of the new year, but it’s my experience that as we heal we grow. And if we are going to live our best lives, the healing must come. It’s a hard enough life and navigating through it with only part of a heart is awfully difficult and can be very treacherous.

 

So, dear wounded warrior, let the light of truth, hope, and love in and may you heal.

 

 

Here’s to a great year ahead, with blessings,

awesome experiences,

lots of wonderful friends and love,

and possibility!!

Love and hugs, Passionista

Words To Help

Be Kind

kindness

Mary Jo Rapini has such wisdom herself. This is so true! I love her words and how she “assigns” kindness such power. I used to have a poster in my classroom with “Be ye kind.” on it. A good reminder. I think we often treat family members in ways we would never treat outsiders.

And yet, our family is our greatest treasure.

 http://www.maryjorapini.com/2014/11/10/being-kind-is-the-highest-form-of-wisdom/

Words To Help

The Great Recycler

Sometimes we just feel like garbage. I’m not talking about when we are ill, and our bodies feel like trash. I mean when someone degrades us, or we can’t accomplish something we have worked really hard at. Or when we realize that we have screwed up big time. Or we disappoint someone whom we love deeply. Everyone feels this way at some time(s) in their life.

However, when abuse has been a building block of a person’s life, like mine, “feeling like trash” persistently winds its way through our lives, intertwining our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and affecting our quality of life.

Pictures7

Abuse can tear away at our spirit, making us vulnerable to lies. It can crumble and deteriorate self-confidence. It can take away our sense of worth and purpose. Basically, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse will change our quality of life. Forever.

My sexual abuse happened when I was very young. Like many, I showed the classic signs of being abused, but didn’t realize it until I was in my forties. It became known that a member of our church had abused some of our pre-teen girls, and literally “all hell broke loose”, as you can imagine. This happened in the early 1990s before we became aware of statistics revealing that one in four girls will suffer abuse by their eighteenth birthday. This was before the internet explosion, the daily reminder that abuse is a cancer that is spreading and permeating at an ever-increasing rate. Many of our church members had been living in denial of their own abuse–or ignorance, like me.

Because our congregation was totally unprepared to deal with the chaos and ravaged emotions this knowledge caused, we hosted an all-day seminar to educate us on how to work through it. During this seminar I began to realize I had shown behaviors indicating abuse in my own life, as often happens to those victims who have suppressed memories when they begin to learn about sexual abuse.  I remembered some rather disturbing interactions with family members. I acknowledged my promiscuity, and the careless attitude toward sex. I realized that my need for attention and the feelings of never being enough could be rooted in sexual abuse, as could my low self-esteem and dislike of myself. Like I said, abuse will intertwine all aspects of our lives. And quite honestly, I fell apart. My tightly-held-together-world began crumbling.

The good news? (Yes there is good news.) It’s possible to find hope and healing. Not in a day or two. Maybe not in a year or two. It’s been a process (how I came to hate that word), removing the effects of abuse layer by layer. I needed to completely reprogram my brain to stop believing the lies (I’m worthless, used up, can’t be good enough, no one will want me like this, I’m garbage, I’m ugly) and believe truth instead (I’m created for a purpose, full of worth, I’m a priceless treasure, I’m more than enough just like I am, I’m beautiful and intelligent and amazing).

The process involved teaming up with a woman of great wisdom who could direct me to God’s truth and identify the lies I believed. I began to read books on the subject of abuse, co-dependency, and emotional healing. I read over and over how God could and would “make me new” (“The former things have passed away… behold, I make all things new.” Rev. 21:5). I chose to renew my mind, rather than dwell on what had happened, because I wanted to change. (Not nearly as easy as I make it sound!) I did not want the abuse to have power over me any more and control my behaviors and thoughts. I realize my abuse was relatively mild (if that’s possible) compared to others I’ve come to know or have read about. However the root of it still caused damage in my emotions and spirit and shows how even the smallest offense of sexual abuse can wreak havoc in a life. It was as if my emotional DNA had been changed.

abuse

One garbage collection day, while I was picking up the recycle bin and looking at all the ”throw away” bottles and boxes, I immediately pictured my life and those of others like me whose life-scripts had been altered by abuse.  We often feel like a throw away–used up, soiled goods that nobody would want. But immediately my mind raced to the finish, or rather, what is being completed in me. I am NO LONGER a throwaway. I never really was, though I was sure of it.

And God has, indeed, done a new thing in my life. I am a totally different person!  Visions of the many wonderful recycled products we can see–that look nothing like their item of origin–came dancing through my mind. Those items have been completely “made new”! And that is exactly how I feel. I am just a shadow of the person I was.

All things made new

I realize that living this many years has given me a wealth of experience to fuel my self-confidence. However, it wasn’t until four years ago that I really began to blossom into this crazy, passionate, outspoken, fun-loving and confident woman. (Unfortunately I had to leave an emotionally abusive relationship before I could fully bloom, but that’s a story for another time).

If you have encountered abuse, my heart goes out to you. With everything in me, I hope you will take steps toward healing and hope.

*I encourage you to find someone you can talk with, someone who will love you honestly and help you see truth. Identify the lies you have believed.

*Begin to reprogram your brain with new words and ideas (new scripts to play) that speak the truth about you. You have such power! Speak who you want to be and your mind and emotions will follow. I’m proof of that.

“I am loved.”               “I can heal.”               “I am worthy.”           “I am strong.”

“I deserve a life free from the effects of abuse.”           “I am more than enough.”

*Find something you enjoy doing and do it! Try many things and experiences until you find your niche. Doing this has helped me tremendously!

*Help someone else. I cannot emphasize this enough! There is such healing that happens when we begin to focus on helping someone. There are people around you who would benefit from your smile, touch, note of encouragement, listening ear, help with housework, yard work, babysitting, groceries, a ride somewhere, reading out loud to a child. Kindness warms our hearts whether we are giving or receiving it. And, I always say that “good multiplies good” in our lives.

Once again this has become a very wordy blog post. To those of you who stayed to the end–BIG hugs!! I hope something I’ve said will help you or enable you to help someone you love. Abuse is horribly prevalent, and our society has become one of broken, “walking wounded”. Let me know if there is any way I can help you. Peace, love, and blessings.

Passionista Mimi

 

OH, and hey, if you like what you read, why not share the love and click, pin, like, etc.? I’d give you an extra big hug. Thanks!

Living With Gusto, Words To Help

Whatever Is Pure

1618662_10152187695332246_449394634_n
(Originally written in June of 2012, I decided it still had some good points, so posted it now.)
I am usually a very positive person. However, being broadsided by the life-changing event of breaking my right leg, which means no walking or driving for at LEAST eight weeks, kind of had me in an
“I’m not in control, I can’t DO anything,
I can’t stand to sit here like this, doesn’t God realize He made me ADHD,
I can’t take care of my kids, I have to ASK people,
this really hurts, they should have fixed that stupid parking lot,
this isn’t fair, our whole summer taken away (I kind of have a dramatic flair, ya think?),
oh my goodness sitting here inside is killing me,
which meds am I on, is it time to take more, ouch it hurts, must be time,
I hate this stupid, heavy cast, I hate this whole thing”
kind of negative-repeated-circling of the vultures in my brain. Whew, no wonder I’ve been so worn out and depressed. (Being ADHD with high verbal capacity only means I say more and say it more frequently!)
thankful 2

So….the last two days I’ve been doing a different kind of thinking, more like the person I really am in spirit. Oh. My. Goodness. I have just tons and tons of things to be THANKFUL for. We all do. And I want to encourage you to do as I am, rejoice in those things. Make a list if necessary. (Surely I can help someone while I’m destined to be a “Couch Coach” during this time. Let me know if I do–God knows people help me all the time.) Oops, gotta take a potty break, it’ll be ten minutes or so but I’ll be back. If I’m not, send in the reinforcements!

My List:
*I can’t walk…for now. BUT eventually I WILL be able to, unlike MANY others. My disablement will end.
*I can’t drive…BUT I will. AND I have a car. AND I’m saving on gas. AND someone else is using my car that needs it right now.
*My kids are missing out on summer fun and us going places…BUT they have been going to the summer activities program at the school for FREE, provided by the 21st Century Bridges To Success grant (from our state’s Dept. of Education). They have been cared for, had great activities, gone on three field trips and are at a water park as I write this. AND I have friends with kids who will do things with us in July. My kids are waaay blessed, so much more than many, many American kids.
*I have to sit inside…BUT I have an air-conditioned house, lots of good, clean drinking water, and a very cute place to dwell.
*My only bathroom is upstairs…BUT I could afford to purchase a “beside commode” for emergencies. Besides, when I don’t wait too long and have some time, I build my pectorals and triceps by hauling my butt up the steep stairs!
*This commode stinks and is embarrassing…..BUT it means my body is working and I have lots of good urine, and I don’t have to wear a bag, like many people. ALSO, I have friends (and Hannah) who will empty it without batting an eye (’cept for Hannah for whom it takes reminders of the bazillion diapers SHE gave me). Now that’s real love, people who will pour out my pee. ♥
*I’m forced to sit….BUT I have hundreds of people a few keystrokes away. I have tons of good books to read. I have things to learn on the internet and to study for my job. I can have as much music and media as I can tolerate. Wow!! I am so very rich! It’s incredible to think about all I have available to me!
*I need to go some places, scheduled appointments.…BUT I have friends who are driving me. I’ve never been more impressed with the quality (and sheer number) of people whom I call friends. My varied walks of life have given me a delightfully eclectic group of people whom I love and care about. They are rising to my occasion of need and volunteering at a consistently humbling rate. I only hope I’ll be there for them when needed.
*My body hurts! Moving is a major act of mass vs. resistance ….BUT I’ve been wanting to work out lol. Not quite THIS way, but I will have more/better muscles (at least in some areas) when this is over. AND I can still move around via unique appliances (rolling chairs, walker, stools, and soon a scooter). AND I am strong and healthy. What a wonderful blessing-a healthy body.
*OMGoodness! One of the best rejoicings on my list is that I am now the proud owner of a scooter, christened “See Mimi Go Go”. (It’s a Go Go Mobile, easy to transport). I get it Tuesday. Wheee! I figure it’s a good 60th birthday present to myself. Ha! It will allow me to go so many more places this next month while I can’t walk.
At times, we need to just STOP! Stop the cycling of frenzy. Stop and breathe. Stop the worry. Pause and let the peace settle into our minds. Then change our focus. Focus on all that is good, and right, and lovely in our lives.
God can do abundantly
This scripture has captivated me for most of my adult life. It has filled me, lead me, directed me, and assured me so many times. After listing all these amazing blessings, I’m reminded again that my God “is able to do EXCEEDINGLY ABUNDANTLY above all that we could ask or think.” Ephesians 3:20. He is in the business of changing lives and I’d say MINE changed yesterday! My precious friends, (those of you who waded through my verbosity of thankfulness), please know that YOU count in my blessings. What would I do without each of you? Your prayers and encouragement, your hands-on help, your total love without limits…. WOW all I can say is it brings me to tears (or maybe that’s the Vicodin 🙂 ). Thank you. You are a treasured part of my life.
Love and hugs, Passionista Mimi
OH, and hey, if you like what you read, why not share the love and click, pin, like, etc.? I’d give you an extra big hug. Thanks!
Words To Help

The Lies That Bind

lie

So many of us hold as truth myths, or lies, that govern our lives, our choices, and our behaviors! I know I did (still do, I’m sure). BUT…
Who taught us these lies/myths we believe are true? The old adage “If you tell a lie long enough it becomes truth to you” applies here! Unfortunately, we accept what society or even family has taught us, believe it as truth, act on it–without even considering whether it is true, much less determining whether it’s something we should embrace in OUR lives. (I’m SO guilty of that!)

“It’s the fact that this principle or value they hold onto so tightly is impeding their progress to move forward that should be alarming.” says Shari Goldsmith in her article Mythbusters,  http://www.thewomensbook.com/Find-Your-Inner-Sass/February-2013/Mythbusters/ . It’s an easy read, packed with guidance that’s worth pondering.

One of the most dangerous results of believing lies is that we let them take control of us! (Think, “Oh but I couldn’t do THAT because… {insert lie here such as, I’m too fat, I’m too poor, I’m not smart enough, I’m ugly}” so you never do it, and the lie controls you). When we give lies credence and follow their direction, we delete our own authenticity. We deny who we were created to be. We are designed and created a specific and awesomely unique way by the Master Creator, and WHO should know better about what will please us and fill our soul?

If you would like to “check out” whether you are believing lies, there are many women you already know whom are filled with wisdom–from experience, reading, searching–who would be willing to talk with you. Most of them are probably older (thus the experience) but there are also young women who have already “lived” a lot. For me, talking to a friend who displays wisdom and has a certain levity (to counteract my sometimes-off-the-wall passion) has been helpful in determining what is actually truth and which lies I’m allowing to take control of my life. I’ve also had to spend time “going inside” (ugh, not always pretty!) to assess and determine my true character and those things I really hold important.

12-lies-stop-telling

My desire is to STOP BELIEVING LIES about myself.

So, do you think it’s easy to avoid accepting lies about us as truth?  Um, no! To discern lies, we have to be militant snipers because of the subtle, yet pervasive, nature of them. And if you’re thinking that you are free from this plague, let me alert you to the nature of lies by giving you examples from my life (can we say transparent?). Until recently, I have believed I was too loud, too big, too boisterous, not smart, not humorous, not fun.

WHAT? I know, right? How in the WORLD could I possibly believe all those lies about me?

Well, it’s pretty easy, because, I assure you, people don’t say to you, “Now I’m going to lie to your face” before their opinions about you come gushing out! We actually begin believing lies from infancy (think of gender conditioning). Here are a few examples of how some of mine happened (in abbreviated narration).

Example: As a third grader I was told I was too big to be a ballerina. Translation: being big would keep me from my dreams. It was a curse. It was ugly.

Example: when I got very excited and “cheered” in support of something (yes, I was in church, but it was a military rally type thing, after all) I was told I’d had “too much coffee”. Translation: being spontaneous, loud, or passionate was a bad thing (especially in church!).

Example: when I’d laugh loudly I was told to shush. Translation: my laugh was bad. Hold it in. Being loud was not a good thing. (Problem is that I’m just a loud person naturally and I was always being told to be quiet).

Example: I catch on to the punchline in movies and jokes about a second before others do. I have an abundant sense of humor and so I laugh….before everyone else….which means I get looks from people….and my laugh is too loud…Translation: hold it in. Humor is bad. Ugh!

Example: whenever I’d have an opinion that was different from a significant person in my life, I was told that I am too hard-headed, or that I wouldn’t ever listen to anyone, and why did I even bother to ask if I wasn’t going to listen. (Don’t people know I sometimes just like to talk about things in order to process?) So I really began to doubt my own intelligence.

I don’t know if any of these made sense to you, but these are lies that I received whether they were intended or not.

Thank goodness for my friend who helped to identify my false belief system! And I began to read, discover, and analyze only to find that I was believing many lies that others had “said” about me. These people weren’t vicious or even intentional in their lying. In fact,  lies from those who loved me were the hardest to uncover, because they were usually “told” by people’s responses (comments or body language) to my life and actions .

We ALL have opinions. It happens that the opinions of my family, teachers, and peers were more important to me than searching for truth. For many years, I believed those things about myself, but no more!

I’ve begun the habit of speaking truth to myself. It’s funny, I don’t even care if others believe what I say, I know these things to be true anyway. (I’ve come a long way, Baby!) Here we go–here’s MY truth:
“I am quite intelligent and a good problem-solver. I am lovely. I am creative. I have a great sense of humor and I’m a fun person. Actually, I’m an amazing person. I’m powerful and make good choices. I can accomplish a lot!”

Just a few of the things I now tell myself. First time I said them I was ready to jump back in case lightening struck!! Really. It was almost like blasphemy, or against the rules, to affirm myself. Don’t want to be egotistical, you know. But there is a huge difference between a dominant ego and a healthy self-esteem.

As a mom I realize we say things to our children, not meaning for them to be received as a “truth” about them. What I do is give my children LOTS of truth to counteract what my other words may have “said” to them.

Example: You have got to be quiet! Your noise is driving me crazy!  Counteracted with: I don’t know what I would do without you. I love you with all my heart. You are so precious to me.

My parents loved me, without a doubt. However, they were short on the words that would have helped my tender ego believe truth. Not a criticism, just a fact. I am trying to be more conscious of the words I use with my children, but I’m not always successful with the positive. So, I make sure to give them tons of praise, love and mushy stuff from my heart. Just in case. In case they “hear” more than I’m saying. In case they ever have doubts about how much I love them. In case they wonder if they are the world to me. Just so they know, without a doubt, they are loved unconditionally, they are beautiful just the way they are, and that they are precious treasures who make my life complete. 🙂

And I deserve the same consideration. I deserve the same love from myself. I am worth believing the TRUTH. And so are you! Let me know how you do with your “Lie Busting!” Hugs and love.

Passionista Mimi

OH, and hey, if you like what you read, why not share the love and click, pin, like, etc.? I’d give you an extra big hug. Thanks!