Mimi's Messages

Why Write?

 

Gustave Flaubert said,

The art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe. 

I have found this to be quite true!

In the early nineties I experienced one of the hardest periods of my life. During this time I wrote so much that my hand stayed in a perpetual cramp (no laptops back then!). I had a student teacher at that time who was wonderful with my class. She needed time without my supervision , so I would scoot out and take writing breaks. My brain was so full of turmoil, loss, grief, betrayal, and confusion that I don’t think I would have been an effective teacher. I know how blessed my class and I were to have her.

I filled several 1,000-page journals with my rampaging thoughts. There wasn’t anyone I could talk to. So my journal (and, inadvertently, God) became my listener.

Haven’t you found that if you can talk to a good friend who is a great listener, you usually talk out your real feelings about things? That’s what happened when I used a journal to pour my feelings into. I’d discover things about myself and allow God to give me wisdom and perspective.

Now, believe me, all of my writing wasn’t so lofty and full of good purpose! As a person who’d never  been allowed to voice anger, I finally did so in my journal. In fact, I uttered my first swear words on those pages! I wrote in big, scrawling letters, vocalizing on those safe pages all the anger and hurt I felt. I called people names. I even yelled at God!! And you know what? Lightning didn’t strike!

I needed a place to get through the layers that had built up in my life. And the walls that had enclosed my heart. I needed to understand my conditioned responses and their causes. I needed a place to cry and vent. I needed to record all the awful things that were happening so that later I could read them and know I wasn’t crazy!

Writing didn’t change my situation, but writing as I felt, instead of worrying about it being acceptable–to God or anyone–gave me a freedom I’d not had before.  My crying out to God and allowing Him to soften my heart brought healing. I felt extremely vulnerable, but bit by precious bit I was able to survive. I seriously believe I would have gone into a deep, deep depression or even a breakdown if I hadn’t been processing through writing during those months.

Because, you see, I need to vocalize in order to process. My brain gets so full and confusing that I can’t make sense of the things I need to. Are any of you this way? Not having a trustworthy friend to talk to (part of the loss) and not wanting to share what was going on with people outside of the situation (my sense of loyalty) caused me to be stuck.

Getting the swirling thoughts out of my head and onto paper gave me space to breathe, think, and live. Journaling helped me mentally, even though I was still broken emotionally, and allowed me to continue to function. And eventually, as I wrote, prayed, and studied, God was able to speak to me on those pages, and His healing came.

Does any of this resonate with you? Do any of you process through writing? I’d love to hear about it.

Stay tuned for part two of “Why Write?”

Much love and big hugs,

Passionista

Psalm 51:6 “You teach me wisdom in my inmost being.” 

James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

Living With Gusto

Is Playing Safe Holding You Back?

 

I read a great article I wanted to share with you. Do you struggle with rejection and what it does to you? Read this: 

Is playing it safe holding you back?

Oh yes, I struggle with it all the time!!

When I first released my cards on Etsy, it was with great trembling and gasping breath! lol Same with when I speak.

But knowing your truth will help immensely.

My truth is that I am called to speak and write truth and to encourage and empower.

Once you KNOW the path you are to travel and use that as your plumb line, it gets easier.

Because then, it really doesn’t matter so much what others think.

And I have learned to laugh at my mistakes, even incorporate them into my writing and speaking. 🙂

Don’t let the fear of rejection keep you from doing something you love. Or keep you from taking the next steps that will get your gift out into our world. Everyone has an opinion, and many don’t hesitate to tell us what it is!

But remember,  

(thank you Terry Cole-Whittaker for your book on this!).

But GOD’S opinion is all that matters. You can do great things. Don’t hold back because you fear rejection!

What about you? Do you find that fear of rejection holds you back from something you want, or feel called, to do? Discuss in the comments. We are all in this together!

And I’m here to encourage you!

Love and big hugs, Passionista

 

 

 

Keepin' It Real

Doubt is Unbelief

Stop doubting and believe! John 20:27

Jesus’ disciples had just been through the worst time of their lives. Jesus, their  teacher and friend, had been killed and placed in a tomb. Three days later when some of the disciples told Thomas they had seen Jesus as the risen Lord, Thomas told them he had to see it to believe it. He wanted proof that Jesus had indeed risen from the dead. Jesus, being, well, Jesus, and loving Thomas deeply, appeared again to the disciples when Thomas was present. When Jesus showed Thomas the scars from his crucifixion, Thomas immediately believed that He was the Lord and had returned from the dead.

Are we like Thomas? Do we have to be shown something that is written in God’s word (for example His faithfulness or His promises) to believe it’s true? But what happens to us when we haven’t seen yet? What happens when we are still struggling and God hasn’t provided a solution? Do we begin to doubt if He will? Do we doubt His love for us and His faithfulness? Or even if He can provide what we need?

We are a society of gratification—the quicker the better! But God is not interested in our societal expectations. He loves us and wants us to grow in Him. He knows that adversity can bring us closer to Him, to His heart of love, to closer communion with Him. Even if that communion consists only of, “Oh God! Oh God!” (The Holy Spirit intercedes for us and God knows the cry of our hearts.)

How can our faith grow if it is never tested? It’s often through these hard times of testing that God is able to prove His unfailing love and attention to our needs. Don’t you know that Thomas was at the end of any faith he might have had in his dear friend, Jesus, who claimed to be the Messiah. That “Messiah” had been killed, and in the worst, most agonizing and humiliating way possible. Thomas was in deep, deep grief, and perhaps feeling a bit of anger too. “This is not how it was supposed to go. Where is the kingdom, the reign, the wonderful life I thought Jesus was talking about? I saw him die. You say he’s risen, but buddy, I gotta see it to believe it. I believed once and now I’m paying for it.”

You gotta love Thomas. He said what a lot of us think, really. Jesus commended those who believed without seeing him first (verse 29). But we can ask God if He will prove to us that He exists and give us the faith we need to believe in Him. 

By now in my life, I have firm convictions and believe in God—period. During some intensely difficult times I began seeing items in stores with the word “believe” on them. I picked up a few and it became my “word” for the season. I embraced this word, not because I lacked belief in God’s ability to take care of my problems, but because I chose to believe He would. Those words were affirmations of what my heart chose and reminders for my brain. Around the house whenever I’d see one, I’d breathe the prayer, “Oh yes, God, I believe You will provide.” 

I grew up in an environment of belief. (Many times, my parents had to believe for food on the dinner table that night. And God, being the faithful one He is, provided for our family of five.) I’m very thankful for the foundation that belief provided me. AND the gift of faith that God has given me. Did you know that you can ask God for the very thing He requires from us? That blows my mind. It’s like He says, “Child, I want you to give me your faith, lots of faith. I want you to fill this big box with your faith in me. But first, let me give you a warehouse full of faith so you can give me a box full of it back.”

I know this is very elementary, and probably not exactly scripturally accurate, but faith is a gift from God. And the more we are in difficult situations where our faith in God is tested, the more we choose to believe in His ability and desire to help us, the stronger our faith becomes. Because He will always come through for us.

Lest you think that I’ve had an easy life so it’s easy to talk about God’s faithfulness, I’ll share some of the most dramatic ways God has proven His faithfulness. (Believe me, there’s more!)

Shortly after marriage when our total income for the year was minimal to say the least, the refrigerator broke, my husband’s contact (which was necessary for him to see since he was legally blind) tore, and our car was stolen and joy-ridden until it was totaled (two cars were necessary because I drove 45 minutes one way to work). We had no money in reserve and no way of getting any. But, God came through and provided not only a car, but for our financial needs as well.

When my husband was attacked and chemicals thrown in his face and eyes, not once but twice, God came through and healed his eyes.

When I was left totally alone, betrayed by most of those I’d been closest to, God came through and not only healed my heart toward them, but as a result of that emotionally bereft time, came into my grief with more and more of Himself. I wouldn’t trade those times for anything because He drew me even closer to Him than I’d have ever known. I didn’t much care for the excruciating barrenness and alone-ness at the time, but I say now that the experience was worth knowing deeply, and personally, of God’s faithfulness and love in a way I’d never experienced before.

When I went through another devastating time–this one ended in divorce, God came through and provided a place of safety for my children and me to stay. He provided for all of our physical needs, and also healed my broken heart, helping me to parent my two very hurt and confused seven-year-olds. He knitted us together in a stronger bond, making a sweet, loving family from the three of us. My children were content, even in the midst of their grief.

After a period of years during which I was stripped of all my “identities”—wife, daughter, sister, teacher, pastor’s wife, worship leader, home owner, person with good credit—through the deaths of my family members, my divorce, my retirement, and bankruptcy, I had no idea what to do next. I didn’t have a clue “who” I was anymore, had lost most of my support system, was adrift in emotions, and felt weighed down. Over a period of about two years God and I did a lot of work on me. He came through with direction, provision, and so much love to flood my grieving heart. He set me on a new path that brings fulfillment and allows me freedom to be the person He created me to be.

I have many experiences of my own to prove God’s faithfulness and love to me. I know He has our best interests in mind. Do I ever get willful and try to do things my own way? Of course I do. But I’m better at relinquishing the reins these days.

I choose to believe. I choose to seek Him. There is no room for doubt in my life because to doubt God means that I’m believing the lie that God is not able. And I have learned and know, deeply in my “knower” that:

And you can know it too. Carry this verse with you, say it throughout the day and ask God to help you believe it. In a culture that glorifies the self-made person, it’s reassuring to know that it is GOD in us that is carrying out His purpose and satisfying the desires of our heart—way more than we could imagine.

Be blessed beyond measure, my friends, and thank you for stopping by. 

Love and big hugs, 

Passionista Mimi