Today I defied the compulsion towards People Pleasing!! (A lifetime-long struggle.)
Yesterday was grueling for me.
I taught reading to reluctant kindergarteners for three hours,
went to an appointment,
returned home in time to get my son off the bus –his OCD meant he asked every few minutes if we were going to the book fair at his school,
took him (which means dragged him) to get a haircut (sensory overload),
and then to the book fair because I couldn’t handle another day of his asking,
picked up some dinner,
rushed home to help my daughter get dressed for her concert (which meant some raised voices because Anxiety Disorder and choir concerts don’t mix, and we also got to add in PMS so it was REAL fun!),
rushed to the concert (which was great!),
got my too-tired children into bed and myself soon after.
This was followed by Monday night Trick-or-Treat which is a little challenging still because being on my feet a long time is difficult with the metal in my ankle (a 4″ plate and nine screws–read about it here),
and then Tuesday I climbed a ladder up and down for about 3 hours to clean my gutters of the slimy mess that had plugged them up (remember the ankle?).
Sooo, this morning my son woke me at 4 am, and my brain kicked on, of course.
He gets out early today, and I was supposed to work–a first occurence for me since I’ve retired.
I began to worry that something might happen to prevent my sitter from getting there,
and no one would be at home for him to get off the bus (he is special-needs and can’t be home alone),
and I’d be at school, and WHAT WOULD I DO?!!
When I got up at 5:45, I felt like a semi had run over me!
I have just begun working as an educational consultant at the school I retired from. There are many children struggling to learn to read and to reach grade level, so I am helping with small groups in a kindergarten classroom. I really wanted to stay home and switch work days to tomorrow (I am only working two days a week because of all the other things I do).
But what would the teacher I’m helping THINK of me? Would she think I’m some flighty person, unable to keep my committments? Is she depending on me for a specific thing today?
I debated for a bit. But chose to take care of myself, regardless of what she thought. I found a way to leave her a message on her classroom phone and told her what I was doing. She messaged me that going in tomorrow was fine. (Really, she is a darling, and a friend, so I know–on this side of 4 a.m.–well kinda, that she would not have thought poorly of me!)
So I feel successful today, although a bit pooped.
Celebrations are in order. I did that. I went back to bed. 🙂